With an emphasis on wellness mindfulness in social media, parents have been wondering if, and maybe when, their child needs to see a therapist. I get many calls from parents saying they think therapy can help their child, but they are not sure. Or, even more commonly, someone at their child’s school or their child’s doctor recommended therapy as a way to deal with some life changes or behaviors. Like many parents, you are not alone in feeling that this may be an overwhelming and important decision to make for your child.
So how do you know if you should have your child see a therapist? There are a few things that parents and caregivers can ask themselves in order to determine if therapy is something that might be helpful:
1. Is the issue impacting more than one area of their life? Children have three main areas of their lives: home, school, and social relationships (peers and extracurriculars). If you notice that something is impacting two or all three of these areas, usually that means there is a need for deeper understanding and support of the child. For example, if your child starts avoiding doing homework and then starts saying they feel sick before every soccer practice that they used to love going to, it may be time to see if anxiety or stress has become unmanageable for your child.
2. Is the issue causing a change in behavior that is not typical for your child or was there a change in behavior that seemed to have happened suddenly? Children grow and change all the time, but sudden changes can be a sign of a need for support. For example, maybe your child was an A student, but now is struggling in all their classes. Again, children are growing and changing constantly, so a one-time or inconsistent behaviors that are not typical for your child (i.e. acts of defiance once a week or one failed grade) may be normal development. Multiple atypical behaviors (i.e. acts of defiance every day or all classes are failing) may mean something needs to be addressed with a therapist.
3. Is your child meeting the correct developmental stages and milestones? Sometimes, you can become very aware that your child is not quite at the same “level” as their friends or peers and realize therapy is needed to support your child in learning some skills to that they can be successful. And sometimes this can be hard to determine on your own. Luckily, your child is around teachers and counselors at school who can provide some insight to your child’s development. I always encourage parents and caregivers to ask others what they think so you can make a better assessment of your child and what they may need.
4. Is your child asking to talk to a therapist or “someone?” First of all, when a parent calls me and says “My child asked to talk to a therapist about…” these are my favorite calls. And I always think, “Wow, what an amazing parent!” I am impressed to hear that you have already taught your child to express themselves safely and appropriately AND you listened! I already know this will most likely be a child who gains something from our sessions and a parent who will support their growth: the perfect combination for therapy!
5. Are you, as a parent, feeling unsure about the answers to these questions or how to work with the issues you and your child are facing? Sometimes, despite all the observing and questioning, you end up feeling like “I still don’t know” and that is ok! This is a perfect time to get some support from a therapist to either validate your concerns about your child, support you in getting the help you need, or letting you know that therapy really isn’t a need. Remember, therapy doesn’t have to be long term. You can let the therapist you contact that you need an hour consultation to work things out and see if therapy is a good solution to your needs.
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you may want to consider looking for a therapist that fits the needs for you and your child. A therapist can assess these concerns further and provide ideas or a plan to support the needs of your child. As always, I suggest making sure the therapist you choose for your child is a good fit for you and your family by looking at their materials, setting up a phone call for a consultation, and meeting the therapist.
One reason that you may not need a therapist is when you are child is going through a stage of normal developmental growth. Therapists are here to support through mental health needs, life changes, and struggles. Occasional defiance, eye rolling, testing rules, not finishing homework, and teenage moodiness that isn’t impacting your child in multiple areas of their lives (except maybe your patience!) or isn’t too far of a change for your child usually means they are growing up! Ironically, these can be good indicators of normal development for your child.
Of course, the biggest indicator to seek therapy for your child is if you think it is best. Parents, you know your children best. You are the expert in what they need. And that is all the reason you need to evaluate if your child should see a therapist. So make a call, get a consult, and get the support you need for your child. At Connected Care Family Counseling, I am more than happy in supporting you in your decision to help your child with a free 15 minute consultation call. If we decide it is a good fit and the need is there, we can schedule an appointment!
--Jessica
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